Warura's Musings

I think I have written it before....if not i will write it sometime in the future. I had a hard time growing up, i can't claim I had a normal childhood. I was exposed to too much pain, too fast. I was scarred. This has been part of my adulthood, my childhood. I think of myself as a very strong and resilient woman, and I have no doubt about that....but those scars, those scars bleed. Maybe more often that they should. Sometimes I feel like I can actually feel the blood trickling from them. They are still raw. On my best days, I can't feel them, I am care free and very happy. But on the bad days, they hurt, over and over again. My soul feels like it has been stabbed in so many places and locked in a very dark place. I hate such days. All this has left me very sensitive, emotionally. There seems too be a well of tears in my eyes that never dry up. The simplest of things makes me break down involuntarily. It can be a hug, a family reunion, a happy couple, sad scenes, a crying bab...

In 2008, I lost my father. It was devastating. At one point I felt so low, so alone, i thought I would not get through it. I can't believe it has been that long since I last saw him. I miss him terribly. This worsens when I feel like I need some fatherly advise or love. I have my mom, whom I love to death. She is my best friend and I would do absolutely anything for her; but my mom is soft....she is sensitive. She has had her fair share of a tough life. Sometimes I feel i need to spare her my agonies and just deal with them.....this is where my dad would come in. He was tough and rough. He is the kind of person who was literally feared. No one dared cross his path because they knew who they would deal with.....and he never let anything slide, nothing. He was loyal, the kind that would die defending his beliefs. I remember he used to get arrested during the campaign seasons for being outspoken about his political views. He never minced his words.....he was that guy. I miss that asp...